A Dear John Letter

Dear Diabetes,

You suck and I hate you but ... our current relationship isn't working. I can't be angry anymore. I'm tired. If there was a way to get you to move out and leave ... I would be all for it. Unfortunately, you and I are stuck together forever, and we need to find a way to get along. You are not the enemy, you are just a part of me that is less desirable ... like a wart or a bad haircut.

I can see now that when I go to the doctor, I become angry and defensive about how you and I get along. My anger at the doctor causes me to stop listening, and the result is that I really don't follow their advice. This isn't good for either of us. I want to live a long time and those health professionals are only trying to help me achieve this goal.

So the long and short of it boils down to this ... something has to change. In the past, I guess I've expected the change to come from you. That somehow you would go away or diminish your affect on my life but that's a childish and overly hopeful notion. The change is going to have to come from me, one small step at a time.

So this week I will:
1. write down what I eat
and
2. test before I eat

Baby steps.

The definition of insanity [is] doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results ~ Albert Einstein

Happy (Fill in the blank here)

There are some weird holidays that we as American's celebrate. And no, I'm not talking about the standard Halloween, Christmas and Arbor Day. I am talking about the bizarre, stupid and inane holidays that are actual observances.

Did you know that this month is
National Caramel month
National Popcorn Poppin' month
National Dental Hygiene month
and
National Sarcastic Awareness month

It is also Peace, Friendship and Good Will Week. And in the interest of celebrating that I present the top 1o or so reasons Diabetes doesn't completely suck.

• I am completely unfazed by needles
• I get to eat yummy sugary items (like caramels) completely guilt-free when my blood sugar is low.
• I don't have to worry about profanity when I cut myself. My first words are not "s@*#" but "quick ... get me a test strip."
• I'm a walking carbohydrate fact book; I have that many carb/fiber/calorie counts memorized.
• I am a member of a growing group of total strangers who can meet and be chatting within seconds of meeting: Diabetics of the world, unite! Watch out world ... bwahahaha.
• Diabetes has made me more aware of my body and given me a better understanding of medicine. And I can amaze and astound total strangers with my creepy knowledge of medical terms.
• I have a handy excuse whenever I need one: "Oh, I'm sorry I can't (fill in the blank: eat, do, whatever) that because it would really interfere with my blood sugar control. All right, that one's a bit evasive but HEY, every advantage counts.
• The light on my pump is convenient as hell. Imagine walking around at night with a flashlight readily tethered to you!! I never need worry about tripping over legos in the middle of the night.
• I like that McDonalds, Applebees and many other restaurants are putting carb information on their menus. To the other restaurants I say, "get with the program here people."
• I think that my chronic condition has made me more aware and tolerant of others. We are all different and sometimes that's a good thing.

and the number one reason that I don't hate having Diabetes all the time:

• I am cool with my sons because I look like I am part robot with my pump and CGS attached to me.

So get off your tushie, people and celebrate the wacky holiday of your choice. Happy Cap Lock Day to you all.

To See or Not To See

My eye is bleeding again.

I call Dr. L's office to let them know. Dr. L is a famous retina specialist that I've been seeing for two years now. Dr. L while being VERY good at his job, is slightly less than good at patient communication. Oh let's just come right out and say it ... frankly he sucks at it.

And after telling me that my eye is bleeding (ya think) and that I need have better A1cs (probably) he sends me off to get a carotid artery ultra-sound. His thinking, I CAN ONLY ASSUME HERE since he didn't actually share this with me, is that I have plaque inhibiting the flow of blood and increasing the blood pressure in the one eye that is bleeding.

Off I go to get the test. It's snowing and crappy outside but for the hour of this test I am kid-less and determined to enjoy it. The ultra-sound room is dark, and the gel is warmed. The tech gently presses on my neck and I find myself relaxing. I start to giggle because ... I'm actually enjoying this experience. What is WRONG with me?!! I'm viewing this life-saving test as a spa treatment! I have SO got to get out more!

Let's segue back to a week later when Dr. L is again examining my eye. My vision IS clearing. I've gone from 20/100 in the eye to 20/35 and the pressure is down in the normal range. So Dr. L. exams the eye and turns to go ....

Uh, what about the ultra-sound. Did you get the results? (can you believe that he wasn't even going to discuss them with me?)

Your arteries don't seem to be affecting your eye, he says, again turning to leave.

Are they normal?

No, not normal but in the range of normal.

And that is different, HOW? If only the other retina specialist wasn't 57 miles away.

Getting Rid of Ol' Red

For the first time in 11 years ... I have a new car. Although we had originally planned to"cash for clunker" my 1998 Isuzu Rodeo, we ended up trading him to the dealer. So instead of simply handing over the keys to Red and walking away with a new car ... we actually had to clean him. Bummer. Big bummer actually since most people who know me can attest, I'm perpetually late and well, a bit of a slob.

While cleaning the car, it struck me how even MY CAR has been affected by my diabetes. Using my husband's giant Shop-Vac I found all sorts of diabetic paraphernalia. I found needles, new and used. I found an old meter wedged under the seat, a spare sof-setter, and test strips ... did I ever find used test strips!

Just for fun I decided to count them: 37. Fewer than I anticipated but still more than anyone should have in a car. The problem is that when I test in the car I'm usually feeling bad. What I should do is pull over and test. What I end up doing is trying to balance the blood droplet and meter and perform the test at a red light. There is just enough time for me to prick, dab the strip, see the results, and hit the Act button on my meter before the light turns. In the rush, the used strip often flies into the nether regions of the car and is forgotten.

I remember a few years ago one of the meter companies had a meter where the test strips were in a drum. "Never touch another test strip again" was their triumphant cry. It was a dumb idea because you still had to pull the used strips from the end of the meter once the test was complete. And even though I DO actually throw my strips in the trash, I still seem to find them EVERYWHERE: my house, my car, my pockets and once I even found my cat batting one across the floor.

I've promised my new car, Otto, to be better at keeping him clean. I'll let you know how well I do at keeping this promise in 10 years or so.